Cancer. I'm really sick of hearing the word. I have a couple of friends suffering through cancer; I have family members in varying stages of cancer; just watched an episode of "Rescue Me" where one of the characters finds out he has kidney cancer. It's all around us. At the Mammoth game Saturday night, it was "LaCROSS out" cancer night to raise money for the National Cancer Society. Players wore different color ribbons recognizing the types of cancer they have seen affect family members or maybe even experienced. Cancer is the buzz word of 2011 apparently. Let's fix this, find a cure for that. What's frustrating is that varying cures have been discovered, but the FDA won't allow it as it would put drug companies out of business (you might think I'm blowing smoke out of my ass, but do some research; you'll find out, too). Damn government. If we bankrupted the drug companies, drug prices would HAVE to go down and then people could afford to take care of themselves. But they support the government as well, so all those taxes would go away and the government would go even MORE broke. I think they should make the drug companies to pay for health insurance. Hey - what a concept!! (Getting off of my political soap box, now.)
The stress I feel over this right now isn't a head pounding, tearing my hair out type of stress. It's more like a calm before the storm. I think that storm will take a few months to hit; but when it does I'm absolutely afraid of how I'm going to react or feel emotionally or even physically. I'm tearing up just thinking about it right now. This has already been a year of unexpected deaths; the ones that you expect aren't any easier. I feel fear for my mom - what is she thinking? Is she scared knowing that she's not going to live nearly as long as she thought she would? How do you find peace with that? These thoughts go through my mind constantly; I just can't turn it off. That's probably one of the reasons I am so excited for Friday - Opening Day. A time to not think about everything for a little bit; let loose, cheer for my team, hope for a win. Baseball is going to be my escape this year. I'm even planning on going to games in Dallas if the timing works over the next few months - even if I have to go by myself. I'll let you know how that goes.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
2011 - A Bumpy Start
These past few months have been extremely challenging and wearing on me. In January, my circle of friends lost one of our own when Connie passed away. If you've read my blogs from a couple of years ago, I mention Connie as we were coping with the diagnosis of stage 4 cancer as well as subsequent and very quick death of our friend Kim. She was such a rock - she kept me informed, kept Kim calm and through it all, we became ostracized by her soon to be ex-husband and kids but we didn't care; we were just helping Kim fulfill her last wishes. I hate it when families make it all about them.
I met Connie in the Jaycees 16 years ago when I was a newbie and attending a conference in Dillon; during lunch, these two HUGE guys come trotting in wearing cowboy hats, carrying ropes and riding stick horses. They are looking around the crowd for someone on a wanted poster that has an outline but no picture. The "cowboys" stop at a table near the front of the room and read a few funny words, then say this 5 digit number. Everyone erupts into cheers; this is when I learned what a Senatorship is in our organization - an honor bestowed upon those that have spent countless hours volunteering, leading, and whatever else a bunch of people see as a good reason to give this prestigious award. Connie was the one person I have known that has been truly deserving of that award; not just then but even to this day. What a legacy she has left.
Connie was such a good person. She helped me during my Jaycee years as I learned to be a leader, dealing with some trying issues but guiding me to become a well-rounded, resourceful person. She was kind, had this contagious laugh and always had a good word to say to everyone. When she went into the dumps for a couple of years, I spent weeks trying to get her out and about doing things with me or our group of friends. When she finally returned my phone call after a couple of months of weekly phone calls, the first thing she said to me was "I'm glad you didn't give up on me." After that, we had dinners at her house; went to concerts and festivals; took small hikes around and in town and just had fun together in general. Her death hit many of us very hard; she was so loved by many. I still miss her very badly - get choked up talking about her.
A couple of weeks ago when I came back from my trip to Cincy, I found out that another friend of mine had died; this one committed suicide. Although I hadn't talked to Chris in a few months, I was very sad. I wonder what is so bad that someone feels they need to end their pain? To the vast majority of us, there is a way to persevere. Guess for some, that isn't as easy. Chris was a troubled soul, but a good kid. I hope he has found the peace he so desperately was seeking.
As I reflect back on the many people in my past that have left this life and those that will in the not-so-distant future, I feel fear for them - and for me. What are they thinking or feeling? Are they scared? I know I am. My biggest fear is not doing enough help to my loved ones when they need me the most. How do you help and comfort them? What do you say? I have literally pondered this every day since January 19th, the day I found out Connie died. Guess all we can do is the best we know how and quit worrying if we are doing enough. This doesn't comfort me much right now, but I gotta learn sometime.
I met Connie in the Jaycees 16 years ago when I was a newbie and attending a conference in Dillon; during lunch, these two HUGE guys come trotting in wearing cowboy hats, carrying ropes and riding stick horses. They are looking around the crowd for someone on a wanted poster that has an outline but no picture. The "cowboys" stop at a table near the front of the room and read a few funny words, then say this 5 digit number. Everyone erupts into cheers; this is when I learned what a Senatorship is in our organization - an honor bestowed upon those that have spent countless hours volunteering, leading, and whatever else a bunch of people see as a good reason to give this prestigious award. Connie was the one person I have known that has been truly deserving of that award; not just then but even to this day. What a legacy she has left.
Connie was such a good person. She helped me during my Jaycee years as I learned to be a leader, dealing with some trying issues but guiding me to become a well-rounded, resourceful person. She was kind, had this contagious laugh and always had a good word to say to everyone. When she went into the dumps for a couple of years, I spent weeks trying to get her out and about doing things with me or our group of friends. When she finally returned my phone call after a couple of months of weekly phone calls, the first thing she said to me was "I'm glad you didn't give up on me." After that, we had dinners at her house; went to concerts and festivals; took small hikes around and in town and just had fun together in general. Her death hit many of us very hard; she was so loved by many. I still miss her very badly - get choked up talking about her.
A couple of weeks ago when I came back from my trip to Cincy, I found out that another friend of mine had died; this one committed suicide. Although I hadn't talked to Chris in a few months, I was very sad. I wonder what is so bad that someone feels they need to end their pain? To the vast majority of us, there is a way to persevere. Guess for some, that isn't as easy. Chris was a troubled soul, but a good kid. I hope he has found the peace he so desperately was seeking.
As I reflect back on the many people in my past that have left this life and those that will in the not-so-distant future, I feel fear for them - and for me. What are they thinking or feeling? Are they scared? I know I am. My biggest fear is not doing enough help to my loved ones when they need me the most. How do you help and comfort them? What do you say? I have literally pondered this every day since January 19th, the day I found out Connie died. Guess all we can do is the best we know how and quit worrying if we are doing enough. This doesn't comfort me much right now, but I gotta learn sometime.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wow It's Been Awhile!
Here I thought I had at least put up pictures of the home improvements last summer, but apparently I didn't save them correctly since they aren't here. Oh well, a project for another day. Since I see/talk to most of you on somewhat often basis (in person, via email or Facebook or both in person AND on Facebook), most of you know what has been going on with me. The rest just check on here to see if I have updated - so you 2-3 people should be pleasantly surprised. However, I will do a brief synopsis of items since my last post:
The Weight Watchers Report
You know that "kinda do it, kinda works" philosophy? That's me! My friends Kirsten and Kris are doing this with me; I think for the duration of time and weight lost, Kris is doing better than both of us. Although I'm not at a point where I want to be (or feel I SHOULD be), I still have to be happy with the changes in my life. Eating much differently, exercising at least 3 times a week and trying to keep a better outlook on life has helped. I've lost 12% of my original weight, so really can't complain about that.
The Townhouse Report
The uncles (Jim and Lonzo) came out to my house last summer with "cousin Eddie" and worked on my master bathroom, downstairs half bath and laundry room. I learned how to tile - well, at least how to grout - and they learned that I'm not a big talker much of the time. Along with my friend Mike who came and helped me finish up some detail work, I have some very nice improvements that have increased my property value. Feel free to ask them about our "redneck" experience if you haven't heard it from me already. Anyway, still lots to do, but it is all a work in progress.
The "Sports Buff in Me" Report
Opening Day is in 10 days!!!!! I'm so ready for baseball and that first game of the season! Our hockey team, the Avalanche, has absolutely been absent from the ice since the All-Star break (have a partial season package for them); our pro-indoor lacrosse team, the Mammoth, are sucking as well (5 yr season ticket holder; they traded to get Gavin Prout back into the lineup - THAT ought to be interesting); our basketball team, the Denver Nuggets FINALLY have a contention team now that we traded Carmello Anthony to the Knicks who are SUCKING wind and pro-football players are still a bunch of crybabies. How's that for a sports wrap-up in my world?
The GRANDMA Report
Went to Cincy a couple of weeks ago to see my grandmother for the last time. I wish I had the voice my cousin Faith does, as apparently she can communicate with grandma great; me, not so much. It was hard to say good-bye to her for the last time; however, the woman has had a full life. A couple of my cousins are working to collect some stories for the Ancestry.com Daugherty family tree.
The MOM Report
As a few of you know, my mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that has spread over the vast majority of her bones. I am not going to go into the sordid details right now, but the simple fact is that she had breast cancer years ago that she didn't get treated properly. I only found out about it last fall; my doctor put it in my chart a short couple of weeks later. Having both a mother and grandmother with post-menopausal breast cancer is really a pretty scary thing for me to think of; luckily, I'm very pro-active with my health and my doctor is great about asking questions and watching for things. In fact, I'm going to be due for my yearly physical and boob-squishing session within the next 2 months. Going to get those scheduled NOW!! I'll post updates on here as I can; I'm headed to Dallas in a couple of weeks so that will give me plenty of time to reflect. . . and vent.
That's it for now. I'll write more later - I promise! :)
By the way - found my blog entry on the townhouse improvements (and based on what you see, you'll know why I gave up and just posted the stupid thing). I promptly posted while I was in edit mode on this one . . . . go figure.
The Weight Watchers Report
You know that "kinda do it, kinda works" philosophy? That's me! My friends Kirsten and Kris are doing this with me; I think for the duration of time and weight lost, Kris is doing better than both of us. Although I'm not at a point where I want to be (or feel I SHOULD be), I still have to be happy with the changes in my life. Eating much differently, exercising at least 3 times a week and trying to keep a better outlook on life has helped. I've lost 12% of my original weight, so really can't complain about that.
The Townhouse Report
The uncles (Jim and Lonzo) came out to my house last summer with "cousin Eddie" and worked on my master bathroom, downstairs half bath and laundry room. I learned how to tile - well, at least how to grout - and they learned that I'm not a big talker much of the time. Along with my friend Mike who came and helped me finish up some detail work, I have some very nice improvements that have increased my property value. Feel free to ask them about our "redneck" experience if you haven't heard it from me already. Anyway, still lots to do, but it is all a work in progress.
The "Sports Buff in Me" Report
Opening Day is in 10 days!!!!! I'm so ready for baseball and that first game of the season! Our hockey team, the Avalanche, has absolutely been absent from the ice since the All-Star break (have a partial season package for them); our pro-indoor lacrosse team, the Mammoth, are sucking as well (5 yr season ticket holder; they traded to get Gavin Prout back into the lineup - THAT ought to be interesting); our basketball team, the Denver Nuggets FINALLY have a contention team now that we traded Carmello Anthony to the Knicks who are SUCKING wind and pro-football players are still a bunch of crybabies. How's that for a sports wrap-up in my world?
The GRANDMA Report
Went to Cincy a couple of weeks ago to see my grandmother for the last time. I wish I had the voice my cousin Faith does, as apparently she can communicate with grandma great; me, not so much. It was hard to say good-bye to her for the last time; however, the woman has had a full life. A couple of my cousins are working to collect some stories for the Ancestry.com Daugherty family tree.
The MOM Report
As a few of you know, my mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that has spread over the vast majority of her bones. I am not going to go into the sordid details right now, but the simple fact is that she had breast cancer years ago that she didn't get treated properly. I only found out about it last fall; my doctor put it in my chart a short couple of weeks later. Having both a mother and grandmother with post-menopausal breast cancer is really a pretty scary thing for me to think of; luckily, I'm very pro-active with my health and my doctor is great about asking questions and watching for things. In fact, I'm going to be due for my yearly physical and boob-squishing session within the next 2 months. Going to get those scheduled NOW!! I'll post updates on here as I can; I'm headed to Dallas in a couple of weeks so that will give me plenty of time to reflect. . . and vent.
That's it for now. I'll write more later - I promise! :)
By the way - found my blog entry on the townhouse improvements (and based on what you see, you'll know why I gave up and just posted the stupid thing). I promptly posted while I was in edit mode on this one . . . . go figure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
