Words

Cancer. I'm really sick of hearing the word. I have a couple of friends suffering through cancer; I have family members in varying stages of cancer; just watched an episode of "Rescue Me" where one of the characters finds out he has kidney cancer. It's all around us. At the Mammoth game Saturday night, it was "LaCROSS out" cancer night to raise money for the National Cancer Society. Players wore different color ribbons recognizing the types of cancer they have seen affect family members or maybe even experienced. Cancer is the buzz word of 2011 apparently. Let's fix this, find a cure for that. What's frustrating is that varying cures have been discovered, but the FDA won't allow it as it would put drug companies out of business (you might think I'm blowing smoke out of my ass, but do some research; you'll find out, too). Damn government. If we bankrupted the drug companies, drug prices would HAVE to go down and then people could afford to take care of themselves. But they support the government as well, so all those taxes would go away and the government would go even MORE broke. I think they should make the drug companies to pay for health insurance. Hey - what a concept!! (Getting off of my political soap box, now.)

The stress I feel over this right now isn't a head pounding, tearing my hair out type of stress. It's more like a calm before the storm. I think that storm will take a few months to hit; but when it does I'm absolutely afraid of how I'm going to react or feel emotionally or even physically. I'm tearing up just thinking about it right now. This has already been a year of unexpected deaths; the ones that you expect aren't any easier. I feel fear for my mom - what is she thinking? Is she scared knowing that she's not going to live nearly as long as she thought she would? How do you find peace with that? These thoughts go through my mind constantly; I just can't turn it off. That's probably one of the reasons I am so excited for Friday - Opening Day. A time to not think about everything for a little bit; let loose, cheer for my team, hope for a win. Baseball is going to be my escape this year. I'm even planning on going to games in Dallas if the timing works over the next few months - even if I have to go by myself. I'll let you know how that goes.